I believe that parenting is the toughest job in this world. Before I became a father, I was not aware of the responsibilities; only the joys of raising a child. As my daughter is growing up day by day, I am continuously striving to become a better father. I have been reading articles on parenting. She is just fifteen months old now, and by the time she grows up, I want to step up as an ideal father figure in front of her.
Recently I was reading the Rewards me site and found many interesting articles on bringing up a child. My favourite article was on what not to say to your child. There are so many things which should not be said. We try to control our anger and frustration in front of our employers, we control ourselves in front of our family and we try to harness our emotions in so many situations. However when it comes to our child, we tend to vent out our anger and frustration on them. Why is this so? Maybe because we don't consider them to be separate from us. Children are a part of us, the parents and we take them for granted in some ways. But we should not forget that a little carelessness on our side can cost huge on the kid's side!
Its easy to send the child back to his room after he has done something wrong. But we should not. I remember once my wife got so angry with our daughter (though she was just a year old at that time) when she was not eating that she took her to her room, closed the door and left. I remember my wife to be in a state of shock and remorse from the reaction of our daughter. My wife swore that she would never commit such mistake again no matter how much our daughter irks us.
Then we should never ask our children that what is wrong with them. Such kind of questions (rather allegations) can actually force the children to think that something is really wrong with them.
Often I hear my wife asking our daughter to stop crying. Even though she is very small, she understands what we say to a very large extent. In case of toddlers or older children, its very natural for the moms to order their children to stop cribbing/crying. Moms get frustrated (which is very natural) and they shout at their children to stop crying. Controlling emotions is not in anyone's hands; whether its a child or an adult.
'You don't feel that way' This is one more thing that we should never say to our child. Negating the feelings which he is expressing, will suppress the emotions of the child. On doing this repeatedly, the child can turn into an introvert.
Children do stupid things all the time. They are young, immature, inexperienced and vulnerable. If they don't do stupid things now, then when will they? By saying 'That is so stupid', the children interpret it as 'you are so stupid'. As a parent, that is the last thing you want your child to feel. It would make them feel demoralized,vulnerable and under confident.
A major chunk of my confidence and mental strength goes to my mother's upbringing. Her constant positive reinforcement and encouragement has made me what I am today. She never scolded me or patronized me and moulded me into a smart and confident individual.